I don’t know what the etiquette is regarding farting in bed when you’re the little spoon in the spooning position and you know your partner’s asleep.
You can hear them snoring, you know they’re asleep and you’re just so cosy there all spooned up together and you’ve gotta fart…what do you do?
Do you ‘break the spoon’ and risk waking them up and then you fart?
Then of course you run the risk of them pulling the blankets up, because they don’t know you’ve farted and accidentally end up giving BOTH of you a blast from the Dutch Oven.
Is the alternative is to stay in spoon position and just fart?
On their junk?
That seems a little rude…especially if the heat from the fart, on their junk, wakes them up. Plus, really, I am a BIG fan of the junk.
I like to do things to the junk.
But not after it’s been farted on! Gross.
Then there’s that awkward thing in the morning if he says –
‘Hey baby, the kids are still asleep…you wanna get it on?’
“Uhhhm…why don’t we have a shower first?’
‘I don’t need a shower.’
‘Oh, no, LET’S have a shower. F’reals.’
Can you see THIS play out in
Judge – “After reviewing the case I’ve decided to split everything evenly.”
Husband – “But your Honour, she farted on my junk during the ENTIRE marriage!”
Judge – “Is this true?”
Wife – “No.”
Judge – “May I remind you that you’re still under Oath?”
Wife – (sobbing) “Yes your Honour, it’s true. It’s all true!”
Judge – “In light of this I am revoking my decision. Sir, you will get the house and the car. And as for you, you get the kids and the debt.”
Wife – “NOOOO!!! WHY DIDN’T I BREAK SPOOOON!!?!!?!”
I guess that’s the answer here.
Break the spoon.
A Dutch Oven is no picnic but it’s better than a divorce, I suppose.
No comments:
Post a Comment